11:24 am - Wednesday, Nov. 10, 2004
Song: Jem - They
Listen to me, now. It is not that I do not love you. You say our feelings are so polar. That you have so much faith and I have so little. I doubt, I ruin, I am the awful one.
You said: �i mean sometimes you say you dont doubt it at all, that its meant to be and that its worth it all, that we'll make it, and then the rest of the time you just seem to have no faith in it, in us.�
When you�ve been doing this as long as I have, maybe you�ll understand. How many times did I tell you I didn�t want another long distance relationship? That I did not want to have to do that anymore? Now I know I�m going to have to keep on. And did I break up with you? No. Because I am in love with you.
I am in love with you even though my friends say things like, �I just don�t see it lasting� and berate me for leaving Chris. I love you enough to give up on a terrific relationship because everything I felt for you was too much for me to ignore. I am in love with you.
I just wanted to know how long you�d let it happen. How long this had to happen, where I am in yet another relationship where I am let down on a regular basis. Where just wanting to be held, to just cry on someone or talk with someone is a process. An expensive, time consuming and rarely available process.
You tried to claim that it wouldn�t be like that. Oh but, Kevin, I was right. I knew it at the time.
But how dare you claim that I have no faith in us. I think we can survive. I simply wonder how much you love me if you�ll put your own selfish needs and wants before the recognition of how much pain this causes me.
You tried to hold what I said against me. I wrote: �Please don't let everyone else be right. That long distance relationships don't work, that you'll fail me like in high school or simply that I'm not worth that much after all, to anyone.�
I don�t know who�s right. But I have a hard time believing that you and I can be so right against everyone else being so wrong. Watch us prove them right.
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