Come Down Now, They'll Say
9:36 pm - Monday, Oct. 04, 2004
Song: Postal Service - Such Great Heights

I�m a horrible person, driving away my own roommate. That�s pretty bad that she doesn�t want to even be in the same room as me. I�m sorry I think what I�m dealing with is hard. Kaeli does something I never could. Her relationship, I agree, it�s much, much harder than mine is. It�s much further; it�s much longer in distance. But I still don�t think I should be berated for it. I don�t think that my own feelings of loneliness should be told that they are pointless. Not her words, I suppose. But I�ve been hurt ever since. She�s the only one I�ve at any point been able to talk to about Kevin and I, and she just seems to be getting more and more angry with me by the day. Sick of hearing about us or sick of us together or something, I�m just not sure.
I feel like maybe there�s no one for me anywhere in this life. Maybe college will be as awful as I�ve feared. I just feel lonely and hated and like everyone in the world is bitter at me, angry at me, but they�re all just playing around me, not saying the words. It�s an awful place to be in. Why did I ever think I wanted to go back to school?
Was I so wrong? Are all my choices wrong? Is my heart wrong? Would everyone decide to accept me if I were with Chris? Am I supposed to beg him back? Because I�m bad at pleasing me, I should just turn to please everyone else.

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