If I Could Change I Would
6:43 pm - Monday, Oct. 04, 2004
Song: Nine Days - Back To Me

Don�t make me feel bad for feeling bad. I hurt like all hell. My insides feel wrong, my body hurts, I get the ball in my throat and I feel like half a person. I know that it�s harder for others; I know it might be harder for you. Maybe your relationship is far away too. You should understand then, or so I thought. Instead, I�m just too whiny. What the hell do I have to complain about, right?
I am very much in love with him. Won�t someone please have a little bit of faith in me, because this is too much for me to do alone? I couldn�t stand having a long distance relationship, it hurt too badly, I was let down too often. Adjusted my life, was falling so deep and so hard, and I was just getting into it. And I left it all. I created this distance and these bad things. So how dare I open my fucking mouth, how dare I claim it�s hard for me?
What do I know from hard?
I�m sorry. I feel like a half a person without him. I feel less confident, less smart, less powerful. I�m shy. I�m lonely. And these things have nothing to do with the others around me. I have others around me. I just miss love and him and that beauty that comes to life that way.
I�m sorry.

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