Sooner Or Later It's Over
7:01 pm - Sunday, Sept. 26, 2004
Song: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

I'm still uncertain here. Still not so ready for college. There's never an escape, you live here, this is twenty four hours each and every day. I am so not prepared for this. I like having my escapes. The time I can devote myself to someone else, to something else, that's the time I get to usually remove myself from the life of school.
I'm sure I'll meet some people. There can't be nothing here for me, there's got to be somone to connect with. I'm just not sure yet that this is what I want. There's this beautiful life I was living, where I was ready to grow up and out in different ways, and part of me feels like college has set me back a little. I felt more adult a month ago.
Classes start tomorrow so I'll finally get a taste of what the academic life is like here. I've got to keep my grades up in case I do decide I must leave. That way a transfer is easy and smooth. I want to be around people I know, even if I don't cling to them. I want to be, most of all, in a city I know. At least then I'd know where to go for what I need. I could deal with just moving to another city, or with just having to meet new people, or with just being away from many of the people I love, but I don't know if I can deal with the combination. I recognize that only time will tell, but man, time is a bastard.
Time changes it's mind constantly. Time races by when you're lying in your loves arms, dreading going to work or leaving for school, but then slams on the brakes and moseys along when you want that work day to end, or those night minutes to begin so you can call said love.
Time rushes you towards the things you beg to put off, the things you want as far away from you as possible, and delays delivery on those things you most want and look foward too. Time is bitter and hates to witness the love or happiness of others. Time takes joy out of our frustration. Time really doesn't care how eagarly we await this one day or hour or minute. Time couldn't give a damn.
Time was what made every day of high school feel like a year, and four years of high school pass in a blur. You're living your life and it's taking forever and suddenly it's over and you never really had the chance to absorb it all.
Time is feeding of my uncertainty here, my insecurity. Time makes every day last hours upon long hours, just to laugh in my face an hour before Kevin gets off work, by slowing to snails pace.
Time is, simply put, a real bitch.

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