4:54 pm - Wednesday, Sept. 15, 2004
Song:
Subway closed. Just, closed. Now Michelle and I have no job. I wasn't staying much longer, just two more days, but damn. And Michelle needs the moeny for her Europe trip.
And then, today we were supposed to get our last paychecks, but no such luck, everything fell through.
So I'm broke, and yet still spending money trying to appease people, and jobless. Not to mention everyone's pissed off at me. And I mean that as in one person. Who wants to think the worst of me at all times, so I shouldn't be surprised. But I've been trying to do right by them, so I don't even know how to feel. They keep telling me I failed them and i'm so awful, and I'm not even sure how to respond. I'm sick of getting attacked. Especially when they are so wonderfully innocent of any wrong doing. But this gets us no where. Thsi won't help anythign. Staying angry abotu it won't help. And "talking it out" won't either. It's in the past. i wish more things would stay there.
Like boys. And dammit, if boys are going to come up out of the past, could one of my friends be willing to hear what I have to say about it. Could one of them not pass thier judgements. Not spread the gossip. I wanted to talk to someone and they all made themselves unavaliable.
And if these boys are going to pop up, could they not fuck with my entire life. I wouldn't mind at all if they just stopped now. If everyone just stopped now.