11:11 am - Sunday, Aug. 01, 2004
Song: Oasis - Wonderwall
Maybe I�m evil and wrong, but there�s supposed to be this big world out there that I�m edging to embracing. I remember Chris and I arguing when I said I�d like to go into paleontology or the national geographic stuff. Away for six months at a time, which he thinks isn�t marriage and I think is letting one another grow.
So we are not together any more, but we�re not apart. Chris and I, we took a step backwards. We date, we�re loving, but he isn�t one and only anymore, because I finally realized after two and half years that I don�t have any clue what I�m doing. I don�t understand relationships, or what I want from life. I want to marry him, but if I could please just sample this jar and that first than I�ll be oh so sure.
This was the best relationship ever. He was the best boyfriend ever. But something in me keeps saying, pull away, and if we don�t listen tot hat won�t we be trapped in the end by our own feelings of right and wrong. We think we�re supposed to love something because it�s perfect for us, and we do love it, but that love makes us feel like pulling away is wrong, even if our whole self keeps saying, move on.
I�m just backing up and trying different roads for now. I know that down the line, when I need, he�ll be my G.P.S.
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