2:34 pm - Tuesday, Jun. 22, 2004
Song:
Been quite a while since I put my words down here. First I was in Seattle. Then I left for a camping trip. And I sit here now not sure how to explain what has occured.
We were driving down the road, we needed ice. And then, we I lost control of the car, it crossed the oncoming lane and wen't up the embankment on the other side.
Somehow, we didn't hit another car, we didn't hit a tree, we didn't go off the road to the right which drops off severely
It was a jolt, and a shock, and somehow I managed to take control of the car, although at our angle the car could have ended up on the top. They said to me, "if you'd steered to the left, the car would have flipped".
They've all said to me, "everyone wrecks the car", and "God must have been leading the car". Perhaps. We're alive.
I must not have thought I was going to die, because my life didn't flash in front of my eyes. I've been told it does, but not in the Hollywood sort of way, but in a series of considerations. Did I live for happiness, or greed? Did I get and give enough love?
I did manage to severly puncture the back right tire, bend up the bottom panels on both sides of the car, scratch the sides of the car and put a hole in the oil pan. Waiting nw to see if thecar is worth fixing, or if I've totaled my little Altima, my little Vanessa.
Then I spent three hours sitting at a gas station of Mt. Hood, waiting for my parents to show up and tow the car back to Portland. Calling friends to keep me company, though no one answered. I throughly worried a few people, hence why Chris rushed down to be with be, and Kevin bought me breakfast simply to tell me thank you for not dieing, and everyone's checking up on me.
But it's hard. It's hard to breathe still, though my body was fine. But I'm here, and could have hurt them so badly. Could have killed us. And that's hard to handle, hard to think about.
"Stop replaying it in your head", Chris told me.
Not so easy. All night long I had dreams where I blinked for a moment and we were crashing again.
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