11:25 am - Tuesday, Nov. 11, 2003
Song:
Here then not and then here then not and�
I�m challenging the point of being in love, if it just means that for 97% of the year you�re terribly lonely, and for that precious 3% you�re so head over heels and incredibly happy, you forget how hard it�s going to be later. I�m not satisfied with this, and never once have I been. When he�s here he�s poison and I get nothing done, I just get weak and happy, desired, sleepy, helpless and desperate to keep him there.
Not poison, a powder, and deep breathing drug that smells like Victoria�s Secret colognes and has a high that gets sharper and better each time.
It�s the cold turkey that kills you. You can�t drop something like that with nothing, so each night you sleep next to the idea of it, and you listen to the message it brings you, and attempt to recreate the feelings. Euphoria, not extreme depression, and yet you can�t convince your mind.
Fuck you mind, I need to be happy right now.
There�s this evil laugh behind that that says you are happy, and worse for the wear, and you�re staying that way. Read your schoolbooks and grab a cup of coffee today, but you�re not going to forget him.
One tree in this neighborhood still retains its rust colored leaves, and it�s there in my front yard.
I guess what I�m saying is, I�ve had too much time to be bare, and I�m still clinging.
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