9:29 pm - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2003
Song: Back To You - John Mayer
On top of it all and nothing today, I lay around in various places feeling ill and watching E! True Hollywood Stories on such topics as The Beverly Hillbillies, Baywatch and Anna Nicole Smith. Quality programming.
I also set up my two college tours in San Francisco. The one I really want to go to, USF, and the one that has advertising major, the Academy Of Art College.
I have to thank Kelsi a hundred times too. She brought me egg drop soup. How amazing. She did for me what I was, last night, crying over Chris not doing for me.
He has his reasons, and his brother, and says he�ll come tomorrow. I almost want to make this a private entry so I can say this. I feel I should tell him not to come because it�s not worth the money if I am just going to lie around sick, but really it would crush me if I didn�t see him.
Lately I�ve been so frustrated with him and our relationship. I hate the distance, and he and I have very different views on his moving to Portland. In his mind it�s only a year until he�d have to move for me again when I go to college. In my mind it�s a whole year living 200 miles apart.
I�ve been reevaluating it all in my mind, wondering the usual. If it�s all worth it, if I really care that much, and if he really cares that much. I debate the breaking up issue, wondering if it wouldn�t be easier. I know it wouldn�t though. Because my mind goes to all he does for me. Last night when he told me he�s stay on the phone all night in case I woke up. Today when he called me to worry over me.
I feel bad for being annoyed at him.
I�m supposed to be falling asleep though, and he isn�t home. He�s been gone for twelve hours and I can�t rest until I know he�s home sound. So maybe I�m right to be annoyed. Because despite the Advil in me, my head pounds and I�m typing mundane words and drawing princess dresses in granny smith apple crayon. All while watching very closely the changing clock.
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