4:10 pm - Wednesday, Jan. 15, 2003
Song: Strange Little Girl - Tori Amos
� Well I'm not laughing, and you're not leaving. But, who do I think I am kidding. When I'm the only one locked in this hell.� �Saints And Sailors, Dashboard Confessional
My stomach hurts. I�m puzzling through this, and trying to figure out what I�m supposed to do. I tell her I want to show her something, or do something, but then I find that those things can�t be done. There just isn�t time.
I have it in my mind that we would have the time to do all that I feel we should if I just skipped the wedding this weekend. I don�t like the prospect. I want do badly to go to this wedding. I love Bugs and Lita, I want to meet Chris� family, I want to cry on Chris and let him to do what he does best: sooth me. I want to lay my head on his chest and let him pull all the bad feeling away. Stress, tears, anger, it just seeps away when he holds me just right.
No, I don�t want to skip this wedding, but what kind of friend am I to leave town the weekend my best friend says her goodbyes. Has her goodbye party and goes onto the airplane and does her last few things in Portland and packs, and now I�m alone, less my cat, and bawling because I don�t know how to handle any of this.
I don�t know what I�ll do when she�s gone, I don�t know who I�ll talk to or who I�ll even want to be around. I just don�t want it to be like this. I have to choose between that wedding and her, and I know my answer shouldn�t be the former.
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