11:49 am - Friday, Jan. 03, 2003
Song: Nah
So much pain from sickness, and I feel really alone. But calming and attempting to feel better. Who cares that it hurts to: stand, sit, walk, lay down.
Last night I hurt even worse, a ball of pain. I couldn�t sleep and sat on the verge of crying, but sobs make me hurt. Blaming Chris for not being able to be here, because dammit, doesn�t he see how badly I need him? I know it�s not his fault, I know he�s got a lot going on, but no one is here for me.
Wah.
I slept way longer than I ever want to. I�m not a morning person, but sleeping in isn�t my things, no matter if I�m still tired or not. My body shuts it off after about 6 hours. Time, it yells and the eyes pop on open.
I wish I could sleep more today. More than that I wish I could sleep with my head on Chris� back. Have him kiss my lower back where it hurt the worst. Have him stroke my hair. Have him talk to me.
Instead he does the perfect things that he can from far away. Singing to me I can sleep, accepting calls from me at all hours, staying on the phone with me all the time. I�m not sure if he�s happy to do these things, but he does them without being asked.
He�s so good to me, and because of all the prescriptions in me, I�m so out of it.