10:00 pm - Thursday, Dec. 12, 2002
Song: Don't Leave Me- Blink 182
Watching �Friends� flashbacks on how my favorite couple fell in love. Wishing I could be with the boy.
Watching jewelry ads, �I love this man�. Wishing I could be with the boy.
Listening to �Everything� by Lifehouse and being moved if we were together and wishing I were with the boy.
And maybe this breaks my usual writing ways, and maybe I�m just a big whiney baby, but I want time with my fucking boyfriend. We�ve knower each other; been friends, met on this day one year ago, and I hardly speak to him anymore. And we�re supposed to be in love. I don�t even know if we have anything to talk about anymore because we never get the chance. I want to cry and pout and scream and hit things but it doesn�t solve anything and I�d just give anything to dissolve into his arms right now.
He loves me, and I want him to be like chandler tonight when he warded off the girl who wanted him to cheat on Monica, and I�m fucking pathetic comparing my life to must see TV. But there are girls, who like him, and I�m less and less taking up his time, and I trust him completely. But can you trust the other people? Just tell yourself yes and stop being a pathetic mess.
I want to curl up but without him it�s not worth it. I�m being the stupid girl I don�t want to do, and writing without prose, but purely of my whine. My soul speaks like my writing, always it does, but currently it aches. Badly. I don�t want to pout or cry or squinch my face in frustration, and I remember he�s working at least two more days in a row. God I need my boyfriend.
It�s no fault of his own� I guess I just hope me misses me as much as I do him.
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