3:47 pm - Thursday, Nov. 14, 2002
Song:
Spent an hour today making mistakes. Read through my boys diary and didn�t realize until the end the I had been crying. Silent, soft tears of happiness that slide perfect paths down my face.
I�m dieing of the loneliness of missing him. Why isn�t he here, where he needs to be?
I�m worried about things, and haven�t any idea what they are. I just want a chance to call him wrong with something to lessen the ache I�ve adapted without him.
I don�t want us to be perfect, because it hurts.
Of course, I do want us to be perfect to them, because I feel we are. But that means I�m supposed to hurt with him gone, and that�s even worse.
I started re-reading parts of my diary after that. Came across talking about Kai.
I miss his friendship. Not sure why, but he just doesn�t like me anymore. Hardly spoken a word towards me since homecoming.
One boy in my life is too far away, distance wise, the other too far emotions wise.
My head is pounding, and I don�t like crying like this.
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