10:56 pm - Tuesday, Oct. 08, 2002
Song:
Today has been a day of memories. That�s for sure. I even started writing about my trip up to Seattle for English class.
Something tells me to dig deeper into my past for my tale of a journey. But I wasn�t the journey type pre-high school. I like to think that�s when I began finding myself.
Adam tried to accuse me of being the girl who tried to fit in all the time in eighth grade, which surprised me as that was the first year I didn�t do everything strictly to fit in.
It true, I hate to be left out.
I hate to be out of the loop.
And I hate being lied to.
I have a diary written over the course of my 14th and 15th year and I love to see all the little things tucked into it. Pamphlets to the bed and breakfast I wanted Adam and I to honeymoon at.
Now I doubt the boy I�m madly in love with, because I can. That�s the only reason I can find.
He loves me. He does.
I can�t believe I�m thinking this. If Adam had said he wanted to be with me today, I would have jumped right at the chance. But I can�t do that.
I want sex badly, and I�m not horny at all. I just want someone to take me away from thoughts of Adam, because it�s no good.
I�m scared to let Rahnia read my diaries, yet it feels just right. I�m never that out there. I should be.
Chris should have sex with me, and I should read it all to him. But I�m breaking my own heart not loving him right now.
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