10:06 pm - Sunday, Sept. 15, 2002
Song:
Something about me wants to work in the same of an easy snare or soft drumbeat.
I miss holding hands, and I keep waiting for someone to take advantage of the situation. That when I say I want little kisses, they�ll deliver, and when I need touching they�ll reach out.
I want Chris to be that person, but that�s sadness, and I was attempting to maybe do an entire entry without mentioning his name. But as that�s the only thing running through my weak little mind, it�s a difficult task.
I�m despising 200 miles and songs on repeat.
I watch Ten Things I Hate About You today and was saddened by remembering all the places that were pointed out to me on my trip to the boy�s Seattle.
Then I think of the other things that happened that day, and I�m saddened further.
I wish I could drop all this, and that something more interesting was going on in my life. But no such luck, never such luck.
I spent the day with Teen Leaders from camp, and remembered just how much I love being around them.
And just how alienated I feel around them sometimes.
Eric, the sweetest guy ever, got me the hoodies I�ve been wishing I had, and I was surprised and loved the gesture to no end. Sweet boys are great, and sweet boys who like boys can be ever better.
I�m hurting myself with my songs now, and wishing I remembered what it�s like not to base my life on lyrics.
I can�t be without music. It fills the empty spaces. But I wish I could bypass the lyrics that remind me of ever aspect of everything. Including, and entirely limited to� him.
It�s the way my life has been toddling recently.
I�m growing accustomed to the situation.
I�m on the phone with Chris. My non-boyfriend, boyfriend.
Our relationship hasn�t changed a bit. We talk on the phone every night. Kiss and hug when together.
I just don�t see what we�re helping� only what we�re hurting.