10:42 am - Tuesday, Sept. 10, 2002
Song:
Something in me longs for disaster, and my mind reprimands these thoughts. But not because I think they�re wrong, because if anyone else knew them, they would think they were wrong.
Something makes me almost wish for earthquake, or school shooting. It�s not at all that I want people to die, that�s not it at all. It�s more that I want something dramatic and exciting to happen. I can see the extreme feelings, the bonding.
The other aspects, life, death, love. That doesn�t play into it. It�s more, who would be there for me, and who would turn their back. Who would be willing to give what for who?
Part of me wonders, what the hell is wrong with you�yet on the other side of it, it seems almost normal in a way. Nothing bad has happened in my life like that.
The closest death was my neighbor, who I never spoke to, three weeks ago.
Closest in my family� my grandfather was just diagnosed with colon cancer, but they think they�ve removed it.
Why do I keep these things for my so-called diary?
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