9:57 pm - Monday, Sept. 09, 2002
Song:
I feel silly and giddy and in such nice ways, I hardly want to deny myself the feeling.
I�m not used to getting this way. I mean, boys are boys, and Kai is Kai, but I have one of those cute little crushes.
Not that it leads anywhere but homecoming right now, I do have Chris after all, and he is who I�m happy to think of as my soul mate, my true love.
But I�m giddy all the same.
Why do I feel bad for having a crush on Kai? And why do I backtrack and deny what is true, what I can tell Chris is true?
Chris isn�t my best friend for no reason, we are wonderful together. But I don�t see us now as much as I do later. So now, I guess I�m enjoying the best of both worlds.
Guilt, guilt, guilt.
I feel guilty when I do and when I don�t.
I want to crawl into that boys arms and sleep and be held, I always do. I like how he smiles at me, and adore how he kisses me.
Why do I feel so bad, bad, bad?
I like how he plays with my hair, kisses me on the forehead, laughs at me.
I love the looks he gives me that say, �What the hell are you doing?� or �What did you just say?�
Yet I�m drawn away from all that.
Not in a bad way, or in any matters of infidelity� more a need to live and be loved by this boy.
He understands me, and that�s all I could ask.
I love being as happy as I am when my life involves even the slightest bit of him.
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