2:43 pm - Monday, Aug. 05, 2002
Song:
"Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white"
I want to plan everything out so I can make sure it goes right. But that exact placement of every aspect of my life is only going to drive me crazy in the end.
See here. I know myself well enough to know that any plans I make with my life, I will question or be unhappy with in the end.
Unhappy with my situation, which brought Chris and I to arguing today.
"I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me"
Basically, I'm all too sick of having him away all the time. But you know, instead of just explaining this to him like a normal person, I just talk and talk (actually, type) without actually thinking about what the hell I am saying.
Finaly I got sick of having an argument over instant messenger and left. Which after reading what he sent me after I walked away, pissed him off. And now he's gone. Went out, or something.
I took off my ring when I got downstairs in order to do the dishes, but I have no desire to put it back on. Why bother with this relationship anymore?
He doesn't trust me, he's jealous no matter who it is. He's not here and I don't need that shit.
I was upset about so many things, but he just had to make it his problem. I wish sometimes he would actually leave me alone when I ask him to, because there is a reason I ask him to. And that's so he doesn't become the major part of what I'm angry at.