2:41 pm - Friday, Jul. 19, 2002
Song:
Written:
I wish I was riviting. I wish I had anything of any importance to say. And it's a shame that I don't, because I write all the time. I wrote the begining of this in my mind as I searched for a place to sit, to pull out my journal and trace my thoughts through ink on to the page.
Ultimatly what was written in my mind will sound the best pieced together, and in turn will be what I dislike the most. I hate to be the slightest bit satisfied with my writing.
I've lost the intrest that once sprang words and charecters, thoughts and quibbs to my mind and though I feel the void, my mind continues to narrate, despite my lack of passion. My thoughts are lack-luster, my opinions cluttered, my writing style deteriorating as I go because I know I am not intelligent or passionate enough to live up to impossible ideals, especially those I set for myself.
I feel uncertain, which translates as boredom and I want to tear down those towers I've built because I'd rather consider that hairline crack impending doom then a patchable piece of a hearty foundation. I'm not sure what I belive anymore, and more over I am unsure I have any beliefs.
Behind morbid curiosity and a constant need for another's touch, I am without morals. I feel a person cannot live wihtout morals, so I must be dying in some way. Slowly so as I hardly notice it, despite the canstant, acheing telltale pain.
I trade between fire and ice at such quick rates that sometimes I don't even know where I am. I wish my thoughts would allow me to sink into one state or another and let me grow accostumed to it's lazy, easy ways. Depression can be the easiest and the hardest, though I prefer to vie for love.
I have this feeling I am competeing, and I know why, I don't know with who, but my grip on anothers heart is slowly waneing. My fear is that the pieced together death falls with each slip of my grip. How can you those you lie to? Why is the best written piecve always the end? I'm a poorly written girl, and more and more I am loseing touch.
previous : next