9:23 pm - Sunday, Jul. 07, 2002
Song:
When you talk about tomorrow
I'm not sure about today
I love my guy. I love him lots. Yet, I feel like I'm lying to him. I mean, I look at the future, and I can see us together. It looks wonderful. Being with him through college, doesn't bother me.
But I look at us right now, and I wonder what I'm doing. As Rob out it today, "I just think highschool is too soon to be commited"
I don't know what I'm thinking.
I guess I'm scared it's going to be like Adam and I. I'm too scared to hurt the person because, really, I do love them, but the relationship isn't good for me. Being scared keeps me from going through with decisions that I make in my mind or on paper.
Currently, I have no idea what I want. I want Chris in 6 years, that's what I want. I want someone I love this much and is so good to me when I'm ready to settle down.
If I had met Adam at 25, we would have gotten married. And you know, I think it might have worked. A lot of our troubles were based on my thinking I was too young to be in such a relationship.
I don't want to lose the love I have now because if you break up, you can't say it'll be there at 25. At least if your with the person you have some sort of half, very breakable garentee that the love will be there. That they will be there.
I love him. I want to be with him. But there's a whole world out there. And I've never been one for settleing for what I have.
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