12:30 am - Sunday, Jan. 13, 2002
Song:
I�m going to do something with Adam tomorrow, which is actually pretty cool. I haven�t really been hanging out with anyone but myself lately, so it�ll be nice to get out of the house. He has plans with Amanda and Alica as well, but apparently he definitely wants to hang out with me because I am his best friend. Which works really well for me. Because he has been my best friend for a long time. We dated a year and a half, but we�ve been best friends for 2 and a half years. Nearly at least. That works out well. I think we may be able to just be friends.
Rahnia says that it�s not that she doesn�t like Kevin or think that I�m good with him, it�s more of that she would like things to be perfect once in a while, and apparently, having Adam and me together added to the perfection of her little life, because almost our whole friendship I�ve been with Adam, so she doesn�t know it any other way.
When she met me I was dating Steven. I talked to him on the phone just the other day. I forgot how cool he was to be friends with after we broke up, because he turned into a pretty big asshole towards me for a while. I was even thinking that if I don�t go to winter formal with Adam or Kevin, I�d ask Steven. It�s better then Kai, who keeps asking me. I mean I like Kai, but he talks way too much, he�s not the type of guy I date. But he�s a good friend, and he gives my dollars a lot for the soda machine.
Kevin says that I question everything he says. I don�t know why he sees it like this, but apparently I do. And I say to often that I�m not sure he likes me, which I�m sure is true. I get so paranoid when I really like people. It�s probably not a good thing that I need him so much. I�m not used to being the one in relationships who needs the other person more. Usually I�m the one who loves less.
Every relationship has that person, the one who loves less. It just works out that way for some reason. Maybe this will be a good lesson for me though.
I wonder if Valentines Day is going to suck. I�ve decided I better give Kevin the benefit of the doubt, and not assume he�s just going to, as Rahnia would say, screw Valentines in the butt
I wish Leo would stop being such a pussy and ask Rahnia out already. I know I�m getting sick or it and needs to just do it already. That kid is going to throw away a valuable chance. In like 6 months. I�m not sure she�ll give on him very easily, if ever at all. Maybe she�s stringing herself along this time, until she�s hurt by herself. I hope this isn�t the case. Adam is so sure Leo would never hurt you, but I�m not so sure about that because Leo is a lot like when it comes to relationships. If he�s afraid of really hurting the person later, he�ll hurt them right away in order to prevent those he loves from getting hurt badly later, therefore he ruins great relationships before they have a chance. Adam almost didn�t let me. He knew when I was slipping away; he understood my problems and let me try my way, but always new my real motives. Kevin doesn�t get it that way. He won�t let me just fuck around. Which is probably a good thing. I wish he would get a job.
That way he couldn�t use lack of cash as an excuse when I say it�s sweet that so and so got flowers or something like that. I wonder if we�ll go out for valentines. It would be nice to at least go see a movie, or chill at his house with pizza. I don�t know. His brother has never had a girlfriend I don�t think, but he handles girls really well from having so many of them as friends, maybe he can help Kevin do something sweet.
I�m typing this in word because for some reason my DSL is down. I really hate that. I just want to sit and type this in Diaryland. Then I won�t have to save it on my hard drive, doing that is idiotic because of the amount of time my brother spend on my computer. He�ll find it there, but he doesn�t use then net on this computer, because his computer has it too. He uses some of the games that he doesn�t have room for because of all his film editing stuff.
I think I�m supposed to call Amanda back. She�s been really happy with me lately because I told her that when this month long no meat shit I�m doing for her is over, I might not go back to meat. Because I have felt really good without it lately, but I�m not making in promises. Not eating meat hasn�t been as terrible as I thought it would be though. I�ve had a lot of completely vegetarian bacon cheeseburgers. It�s cool the meat substitutes they have out there. I had tofu pah-tai for dinner tonight while the rest of my family had chicken pah-tai. I�m not sure I�ll never go back though. I�ll just be glad when I have free will to go buy fried chicken if I want to. Boy, I do love fried chicken very, very much. Yes, It has got to be the best thing ever. I love Popeye�s chicken because they have strawberry soda as well. That�s just like a place made just for me. Too bad there are only two in town and they are both on MLK jr. Blvd.
I really need some suggestions about any topic that might be interesting that I can do my research topic on. Maybe the history of Tarot, which would be pretty cool. I know I have at least two books about reading them that have history of the cards in them.
I hope I can buy a crystal ball soon. I need to save more money. I want a scrying mirror too. I know my friend John has one if I never need to know something urgently, but he lives about 60 miles out of Portland, so it�s hard to get to his house ever. Maybe in April when I turn 16. But I have to wait 6 months after getting my permit to get my license. Since I�m not getting my permit until the Friday after finals (only one more week until finals week) I wont be able to get the damn license until like July. Oh well, I spend the last half of summer driving to Johns if I want. But I�m not sure. I really need to get a job this summer. I owe my parents like 500 dollars from lost retainers (both pieces twice, each broken once, I never wear the damn thing) and the charge for shoplifting at Nordstrom, but lets not talk about that. Or maybe we should.
It�ll be one year since it happened on February 19th. Wow, that day really sucked. Everything had been going so well in my Life too. Then Janelle and I decided to go shopping. There were two strange things about that day. We weren�t being in the slightest bit careful, and although we had done it a thousand times, the only place we wanted to shoplift from was Nordstrom. We should have known. Oh, that day was terrible. My parents had this straight up look of disappointment for weeks after that.
I guess they don�t think I have a life anymore this year though. I don�t go out as much as I was for a while, and I haven�t gotten in trouble for a while. A long while. My lowest grade at quarter was a c- in chem. Because I didn�t get it, and was doing badly on tests, but now I�m pretty sure my lowest grade is a B. And hopefully next semester my lowest grade can be an A-. Hey, it could happen, maybe�
Well, by now your eyelids are probably drooping from all this boring information about me. I bet your thinking, I�ll email her if she just shuts up. Well it�s a deal, just email me: [email protected] and I will make an honest effort not to be so boring ever again. Please, send me something.
-Megan-