10:31 pm - Sunday, Jan. 06, 2002
Song:
My dad made me get offline because running the messengers was slowing down our DSL, so I�m not sure if this will be posted when I want it to be.
I�m not sure I am going to be happy with Kevin. We hardly talk, and he often chooses pot smoking over me. Like over spending time with me, or hanging out with me. It really hurts that he would that. I mean, phone sure I understand that, but not wanting to spend time with me because of it. I�m beginning to not care. I would sit there and let him do it, if it meant I got to be with him, that�s so strange, because I really don�t think he should do that
I�m just not that important to him. I really don�t want to cling, but I do. I just wish� I don�t know� something. I just wish something. Maybe being with anyone right now is a bad idea.
I don�t need this. I can hear my mind laughing at me (okay, not really) and I can hear what it�s saying it�s saying:
�Welcome back Megan. Welcome back to the black hell that your life really is, stop fooling yourself. To the dark death of soul you should remember. I missed you. You haven�t been here in months. You know you like to feel black and hallow. God can�t save you, no matter what you think, you�re too empty to pray you�re stuck, so just enjoy empty yourself��
At least that�s what it feels like I am hearing. I hope I can fight the darkness this time. Fight the pain. But I�m not that strong. Be brave, be strong�
-Megan-