1:13 pm - Tuesday, Apr. 30, 2002
Song:
No, my heart doesn't get broken. I feel terrible for hurting him. I love him, I just feel that I shouldn't date anyone right now. I need to piece some stuff together. I need to stop and think.
I know if I stop that all this is going to hit me. Everything I've kept moving in order to avoid. All that is going to slam into me. And I need it to.
Maybe my heart will break. And wouldn't that be nice. I never react how I think I'm supposed to in situations. When I think I should be hurting and crying... I'm just not.
I want to stop and really learn how I'm supposed to be feeling. Who am I really
What a normal, cliche question. Where has my teen angst taken me.
I feel like I intrigue people merely because at first they don't understand me. Then when they do, they relize theres nothing there worth understanding, worth careing for.
I didn't want Chris to reach this point. No need for him to think of me as evil, when I don't even know what I am. I don't even know alot of things. I want to fix everything person by person. And starting with Chris sounds like and best and worst idea. So I feel I should just start with Rahnia.
I don't know what I feel anymore.
I feel I should be able to make it a week without finding a new boyfriend. I feel I need that. I feel that's a weekness I need to surpass.
I feel all I did was dissapoint Chris. I was something differant then I said I was. I don't know what I did.
I don't know if I did anything wrong in general. I just know, I hurt, but not enough. Not how I think I'm supposed to.