9:18 pm - Sunday, Feb. 17, 2002
Song:
I had myself I nice little conversation with my friend rob today....
ELF608: hey
Sparklin Star226: hi
ELF608: watsup?
Sparklin Star226: nothing really... wanna know about my life? Read it: http://jelybeanie32.diaryland.com I'm to bitchy to talk
ELF608: right...
Sparklin Star226: what?
ELF608: why are u too bitchy?
Sparklin Star226: I'm in a really bad mood
ELF608: im sorry
ELF608: yeah, life does suck
Sparklin Star226: life sucks beyond belif...
Sparklin Star226: whats wrong with you?
ELF608: well... id unno... see, i wanna break up with my g/f, but i do still have feeling for her, meaning, i really dread hurting her. but it just isn't working for me. and if i break up with her it'll be a huge mess
ELF608: and i get shitty grades
Sparklin Star226: Shitty grades... whatever... those can be worked with... As for the girlfriend... can't you just tell her all that?
ELF608: see, im thinking she thinks there's nuthing wrong at all, but i dunno, it's so hard. it kills me inside
ELF608: it's really hard because i feel like it isn't going to go over me just liking her, and it feels like she wants something more serious
Sparklin Star226: I tottaly understand where your at
ELF608: finaly someone does
ELF608: i wish she would just cheat on me
ELF608: then i would have a reason
Sparklin Star226: thats what i do to get out of relationships
ELF608: no u see, no
Sparklin Star226: ?
ELF608: im in a band with a good friend of hers. i mean, he'd understand if i broke up with her, but i'd never cheat on someone
Sparklin Star226: The girls cheating is better.... it works a lot better
ELF608: yeah, she's at a party right now, im praying she cheats on me
ELF608: iw on't be pissed i'll just break up with her
ELF608: and b like, no! i don't go for cheating, it's over
ELF608: im thinking of sorta just fading away ya know?
ELF608: letting her get the picture that im really not into it
ELF608: y does she have to be so damn nice
Sparklin Star226: that makes sense... I feel like fadeing out of my social life all together... it's so pointless
Sparklin Star226: because thats how she is
ELF608: yeah.
ELF608: the thing is... it's highschool, this is my only time to be with as many girls as i possibly can. and im not ready for anything serious
ELF608: thank god my friend allie, who is dating our drummer feels the same way. im not a lone
Sparklin Star226: thats how I felt while I was in a relationship with adam... that I'm supposed to be dateing people....
ELF608: they've been going out for 4 months and she's talking about not wanting to be going out anymore, it sorta helps me out
Sparklin Star226: Talking and doing are differant things... I dated adam for a year and a half... that was about a year of saying I was going to break up with him
ELF608: im thinking she may do it
Sparklin Star226: that good... she's probably more decisive than i am
ELF608: i just don't wanna hurt tess
Sparklin Star226: i can understand that... make her not want to be in the relationship than
ELF608: im trying
ELF608: any suggestions that aren't totaly being an asshole?
Sparklin Star226: this is how I always am in relationships... I get sick of them... and find some way to make the other person drop me because i don't wanna hurt them...than i end up dropping them... the best thing you can do is just explain to her that you like her... but not the relationship... it's the least hurtful way... and most likely the useual suggestion
ELF608: thank u
Sparklin Star226: really?
ELF608: well, it's better than wat i was at ya know?
Sparklin Star226: I think it's terrible advice... just because it doesn't make it any easier...
ELF608: im good at it most of the time, but i never take my own+
ELF608: the thing is, once im out of this, i'll have so many options and stuff... it'll feel really good
Sparklin Star226: I thought that way about getting outta my and adams thing
ELF608: yeah
Sparklin Star226: I mean... i was right... but I feel like I pushed out too quickly
ELF608: a year....
Sparklin Star226: ?
ELF608: u were going out with him forever
Sparklin Star226: a year and a half
Sparklin Star226: but I pushed into the dateing scene too quickly
ELF608: ohhhh, okay, gotcha
Sparklin Star226: now I can't go back
ELF608: y not?
Sparklin Star226: beacuse if I go back... I hurt the guy I'm with... i hurt me... and i hurt adam when i refuse to be with him again
ELF608: hmmm
ELF608: yeah, well, i sorta know where your comming with
ELF608: sometimes, u should worry about wats good for u instead of wats good for other people
Sparklin Star226: i rarely do that
ELF608: u should consider it
Sparklin Star226: I feel wrong abotu it
Sparklin Star226: selfish
ELF608: i feel wrong about it too
Sparklin Star226: selfish? or wrong in another way
ELF608: i feel likeim only thinking about myself
Sparklin Star226: thats how I feel.... so I just bend to fit other peoples lives
ELF608: god, when im out of this, no more g/f's
Sparklin Star226: right
ELF608: only cheapness
Sparklin Star226: cheapness?
ELF608: cheap hookups
Sparklin Star226: thats a lousy idea
ELF608: oh isn't it though?
Sparklin Star226: girls ARE worth it... i only say this... because it's taken alot for my lately to say that guys are worth it... you just need to find the right one... and realize that the majority of pain you cause... or that is inflicted on you... is just momentary... your a teen... rlationships hurt... but they are worth it in so many other ways... basically... just tell her... don't worry about hurting her... and move on
ELF608: damn right, but i need to find the right girl for me, i need to shop around
Sparklin Star226: precisely... but cheap hookups aren't going to get you any closer
ELF608: yeah, u have a point
ELF608: when this thing is over though... there are a few t hings i definatly want to do
Sparklin Star226: when was the last time you had sex?
ELF608: i've never had sex
ELF608: but listen to the thigns i wanna get done
Sparklin Star226: alright?
ELF608: 1) lose my virginity to hilary duff (it's a possibility at this point)2) if plan 1 doesn't work, hook up/ loose my virginity to ashlie3)hook up with katie
Sparklin Star226: sorry... didn't mean to put the ? in that
Sparklin Star226: your plan is just to get sex?
Sparklin Star226: You're such a guy
ELF608: no, if it is hilary, hell, i'd marry her
ELF608: wait, well, i'd definatly stick around
Sparklin Star226: stick around... hee hee
Sparklin Star226: you're such a guy
ELF608: but yeah, u know who hilary duff is right?
Sparklin Star226: yeah... that chick on Lizzie Mcgwire
Sparklin Star226: sorry i can't spell
ELF608: correct
ELF608: ashlie's on the show too
Sparklin Star226: ahh
ELF608: gtg
ELF608: later
ELF608: thanx
Sparklin Star226: bye