3:44 pm - Monday, Jan. 14, 2002
Song:
My friends have seemed so against me lately, so unfriendly. Adam told me it was beacsue I was dateing Kevin. He really went off about it. It was really hurting to. He said that beacsue I'm dateing Kevin i have pushed myself out of the group.
I told him that they obviously weren't true friends then, and he said they did it beacuse they were true friends. What alot of shit
Rahnia says she just thinks we're growing apart. But I don't see her doing anything to fix it, she spends excessive ammounts of time with Adam lately, or Amanda. It's like I'm no longer of any importance to her.
Basically I feel that beacsue of who I'm dateing, my friends don't like me.
I'm actually thinking I should end it wiht Kevun. I really love him, and want to be with him. But he's not the kind of guy i need to be with. I'm not getting the kind of emotional support I have to have.
I really don't want to end it, but I don't know how to explain it to him. I love when he does sweet things, like meet me between classes, and such, but he hardly does those things. Basically, he's not what i need in a boyfriend, and he's not willing to change for people.
On Sunday it will be one month that we are dateing. And I don't think that means anything to him.
I don;t want to end it, but I don't see how I can go on like this, I'm beganning to not be happy. Maybe it's just my friends, and he's been sick so i see him very little... but i don't know. We hardly talk and we hardly see one another... I don't see how he can be happy with the situation.
I love him so much though. I don't think what he feels for me is love. i belive he likes me alot, but I'm not sure about love. Maybe I'm wrong about that....
If it is love, then why didn't he see how badly i needed to be with him today? I mean, i cried right in the middle of math class, why didn't he have to be with me. If he was upset, i would have to be with him. My mind and heart would not let me not be. Why didn't he have to.
I make this relationship seem completely not worth it, don't I.
-Megan-