6:55 pm - Monday, Nov. 15, 2004
Song: Wicked - Thank Goodness
"That's why I couldn't be happier
No, I couldn't be happier
Though it is, I admit
The tiniest bit
Unlike I anticipated
But I couldn't be happier
Simply couldn't be happier
(spoken) Well - not "simply":
(sung) 'Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost" - Wicked - Thank Goodness
I�ll kill these little smiles soon. Things don�t stay good in relationships. They get hard and frustrating and too hard. But until then I�ll feel perfect when he smiles at me. Perfect when he strokes my hair, when he kisses me, when he kisses my eyelids. Perfect when he touches me. I�ll feel perfect in the ways I haven�t been for years. I don�t feel so evil, so awful, so fucking wicked.
But the bottom line here is, simply, that I will be wicked as long as this relationship continues. I cheated on Chris; I left him for this other boy. And I am nothing if not wicked, awful, horrible.
All the same, I love the way I am held by him. The sweet little lips he presses on my forehead. The soft finger tips he runs along my legs, my tummy, my breasts. The light breaths on my ears. The perfection of catching his eye and the huge smiles we share.
May I go back and forth? May I say I am so sorry and I�ll tear us to the ground to make things better? But may I also say I am so deep. I am so happy and so satisfied. No worries, I will rip this to the ground soon enough.
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