8:45 pm - Monday, Aug. 09, 2004
Song: Paul Simon - Me And Julio Down By The School Yard
We know what we�re supposed to do. We each know the course of action we are meant to take. But then things like feelings and worries get in the way. You think you know just the right path and then someone touches your hair, or kisses your arm, or simply says, �I miss you� and you don�t know where you�re going with anything.
Last night we told one another that we considered each other�s our best friend, out of everyone in the world, the one person we had no secrets with. It�s been a long time since I�ve felt like I had a real true best friend outside of my relationship with Chris.
But then where does this love focus itself. I�m not a skank, and nothing happened in the absence of this love. The love is through which all things developed and began.
What I feel is it is time to cement his place as my best friend, and repair what I can with Chris. And then I talk to him, I see him, and really what I would like is to press my face against his chest and breathe him in and have him kiss the top of my head. I love him for his willingness to let me be me, for allowing me to be indecisive, for thinking I�m smart and beautiful. But this doesn�t make me able to choose in either direction. I wish this choice was nonexistent. I�m beginning to wish he hadn�t fallen in love with me and I hadn�t fallen in love with him and couldn�t we just go back to way back when he couldn�t stand me?
previous : next