7:42 am - Friday, Dec. 12, 2003
Song:
I had dreams last night in which everyone spent the entire dream correcting everything I said. The perceptual everyone view me as an idiot.
When I read my racism poem in English class, Reid told me he thought it would be some teenybopper little hee hee kind of poem.
This is the school that thinks I'm a big whore, despite the fact that I can hold relationships longer than most peaople there.
I have straight A�s in classes my smart friends are getting C�s in. And yet I still come off as some preppy little ditz. How is that? How can I know my work, and be able to do, write for fun in a style that even I (the self-hatred queen) can look back and be proud off, and really actually have enjoyed almost everything I learned this year, in my IB and higher level classes, and still be considered an idiot?
Maybe I need to stop concerning myself with what everyone else thinks, but it�s difficult when you go to school with a little brother who gladly informs you of which people don�t like you, and during arguments chooses some reason to say �and that�s why people hate you�� . Fighting words are supposed to be empty words, but these dig right into me.
Maybe I should give up my own ideas on the situation and listen to Chris who tells me not to worry about it. But I don�t bother listening to the �You�re beautiful�s, or the �You�re wonderful�s, so why should I start now.
There are very few people I still care for at Cleveland, and as that number has gone done since last year, I�m going to kick myself once again for not graduating early.
The strangest thing, though. I actually am enjoying Senior year.
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