6:28 pm - Monday, Nov. 24, 2003
Song:
I know it's inappropriate to write back to you here, so I won't in whole, but I'm done putting it off in my mind. At first you letter made me angry. It made me angry that you did what's always hurt me. You tried to tell me what I was thinking and feeling about a situation, when you didn't know at all. Then you proceeded to tell me that I was sad and that I had changed, when you hadn't taken the time to try me. I know I've changed towards you, because it was the right thing to do. You act like I should want to step up and into your group of friends. You're wrong. I'm sure thier beautful, wonderful friends, but they're not my beautiful wonderful friends, and I never asked them to be. I never asked you to make them that way. I wanted you as my friend. If you come with the group, then so be it, but they aren't the issue here. I have beautiful,w odnerful friends, and meanign to or not, your letter basically sated that not only did these friends not exsist, but that I hadn't even tried to create new friendships this year.
Once again you're wrong about something you never researched. Maybe I sound bitter, it's really not my meaning. But more bitter at what you said towards me, I'm bitter at how null and void you made the people I love in my life.
You said that nothing was futile, but I know friendships that make it through hard times. That's why I still love Rahnia with every bit of me, despite everything, and I know that when we need eachother, together we'll be.
I know friendships with complete trust in one another. That's why I can tell Chris every single thing ever, no matter how crazy or dumb it is.
I know friendships where you just fit perfectly. That's why Dobby and I can spend forever together and still love each other perfectly.
I know friendships where you drive each other crazy and still want that person around. That's why Sylvia and I still try to see one another. I love her because she tries hard to connect with me, even when I'm drifting. She'd never just let go, or tell me that I was being such and such. And if she did, she'd let me yell at her for it and still invite me over to make cupcakes the next day.
I know friendships where the person lets you be dependent on them, and need them despretely, and they understand it's something you need right then, and they never call you weak or jealous for it. They let you be weak the same as they let you be strong. It's why I adore Kaeli so much and would do anything to help her anytime she might need me.
I know friendships where you can see someone everyday, and still want to tell them things. The friendships where you save up stories because you know they'll love it. And in turn they do love it, and they never tell you you're making a fool of yourself, or being dumb. And for that reason I make plans with Michelle and assume we understand each other, and love one another.
I know friendships where you can complain tot he person about everything, or nothing, and they'll be there to listen, and pitch in, and go to lunch when you ask. It's why I couldn't live without Jula.
I know the friend who is your sole mate. And for that I thank Shaila.
I know friendships where you hate the person, but they still support you when you need someone to understand. That's why I'm, glad Adam's still distantly in my life.
I know friendships that I've let go of. Friendships where I told the person they were acting a certain way. Where I told them they were being jealous and wrong, and should do this this and this if they wanted to be a better person. A better friend. And it's why Janelle is so distant to me now.
So I'd really appreciate if next time you want to call something blameless, then accuse, you consider just what you're saying. Strangly enough, I'm nto wanting to find you're place in all of this right now, because I'm not ready for that. I wish you'd understand that it's not a matter of anger or jealousy, it's a matter of wanting to know where you want to fit.
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