11:23 am - Tuesday, Aug. 12, 2003
Song:
It�s hard to worry about someone of the other side of the country. You want so badly to fix things for them, to be there for them. She�s started infiltrating my dreams in strange ways. Ways that include winter formals and green dresses that have been cut off and Filipino families. Ways that I don�t understand. Things with sex and arguing and so many dark rooms and dark parks and dark places and death and talking to dead people to the point where you wake up scared or horny or confused or always all three and some more.
I want to fix things for everyone. In some ways parts feel like premonition, and I feel there are people I need to warn, and warn soon, but that cant be so. These dreams are far twisted and nonsense, as far as I can tell.
What was there? Deaths. Suicide, though I never knew who, and Chris� grandmother. How she ended up there, I�ll never know, but she died. And we then took a walk and she told me just how she wanted the burial to be.
And Rahnia was there, showering and getting ready for the dance and she kept talking about how we were putting on a performance of mid-summer nights dream at the dance. And I was to wear the green dress she cut off last year. I decided to instead wear my purple skirt and black camisole, but black crows stole all my clothing.
After that was a lot of running, and that suicide, and a lot of dark and everything felt like murder even though I was all alone.
I don�t understand it at all. And I don�t know what to think of any of it. But I haven�t had the most restful night, and in the same, I can no longer sleep.
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