9:11 pm - Thursday, Jun. 05, 2003
Song:
The basic idea of a school year, a day after day to make it through, a time when any chance to write is a gift to welcome. Allow it to wallow in self-doubt. I don�t think I�m a good writer, not even a decent one, and I tend not to believe the compliments. It�s just them being facetious.
Fictitious. You must tell someone they�re good, because it�s wrong to tell them their bad. I spend all the time, drumming the words because I think it�s important for a person to develop their own writing style. And maybe I�m a little to Beau Sia, but I like it that way, And maybe I wish I were a little more Asian. Maybe Chris is supplementing that for me.
I want to whine and bitch about my racial struggles, but it pisses me the hell off when people do that. Enjoy your race, or don�t, but I don�t want to hear how fucking hard it is for you. Life�s hard, that�s why writers are depressed and drunk.
Maybe that�s my problem. I consume far too little alcohol to become egotistical. I don�t drink myself in praise. How can I be a true writer without a drink in my hand. Nick Twisp taught us that the only way to be a writer was with a martini.
I haven�t got a martini though. A terrible little twist of fate that one can�t be a writer till they can buy themselves vodka, or in the very least have a decent supplier.
Now where did I get off, because this is supposed to sum up me in a year of your class. Think for a moment though that it has. That this is me sitting, contemplating myself. I know you think I stand behind everything I write with an iron confidence. That the words are glued to the page in a licking the envelope and slapping them down fashion. Extra strength, rubber cement.
Now remember me, lack of the words, of the skills and the need to be something so much more. A twisted fate that separates dreams from reality with locked doors and mirrored rooms. I�ll be writing program summer and constant journaling, and in the end, none of it will be good. Because I�m not a good writer, though thank you for the support.