4:26 pm - Saturday, May. 24, 2003
Song:
"How far we are from morning.
how far we are
and the stars shining through the darkness,
falling in the air.
Once, as the night was leaving
into us our dreams were weaving.
Once, all dreams were worth keeping.
I was with you."
How many essays due next week? How many tests coming up? How much of Fahrenheit 451 needs to be read?
I�m trying desperately to make my room a comfortable environment for the homework I think I should get done today so that the rest of my weekend isn�t a torture chamber of a too hot room and a computer that may at any moment decide to delete 30 pages of work, as it happens in the movies.
I turn on the fan. Tie back as much as I can my short hair. And turn on Enya.
It almost hurts to listen to this CD. I forgot how much it reminded me of Rahnia. Or maybe I haven�t had chance to listen to it at a time when she would be missed. It�s lying in the dark on too warm summer nights and tickling each other�s arms. It�s sleeping music. It�s being next to your best friend.
Summer is coming again. And I wonder if things will ever be the same. I wrote in my written diary that I didn�t see how she could possibly be my best friend when she�s so far away, when there are so many new people in her life, when we�re so disconnected. But I still have faith in the title. I have a hard time giving it up. I wish sometimes that Rahnia and I could have had our friendship, and I could have never dated Adam. I wish it had stayed uncomplicated. I wish I didn�t feel like I were one of the things she felt she had to move away from.
Yesterday though, Jula made me see something I hadn�t before. It�s only a little more than a year before I�m moving out, moving away, and I don�t want anyone to think it�s them. I need away, to somewhere new.
Chris is to go to. And I sometimes think I couldn�t live a moment without him. But then other times I wonder if I won�t experience everything I want to. I want to go away the way Ronnie did.
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