10:46 am - Saturday, May. 24, 2003
Song:
It's overcast in the wrong sort of way, because it traps so much each heat and now I feel my body must be made of wax because I am melting.
I'm letting school get to me. Let me plan my weekend around my homework. Next week is a week of tests. Senior take thier finals, and won't it be fun to test everyone. I don't know why, but life is essays. Every minute, and soon I need to shower and dress and shut myself into the library and wish I had a laptop because for the most part, it is quite there.
I need to finish this year of linking essays and classes I dislike. I wonder if it isn't as hard to force yourself through high school when the situation is high drama. You can forget for a bit that shcool is overbearing.
That can't be it though, because my concerns about school are based in the pain I feel from impending college applications.
Yesterday was the last pep rally of the year. We moved from our seats to where our class title next year will have us sit. It seems so silly, but from the Senior area, everything seems differant. I stare across the gym, and see the empty freshmen section. So much has happend since then. I realize I have one year of school left, but I stare over there, and I feel the end. The wrap up. I see Adam and I together. I see hating Rahnia, then loving her, then hating her, and in the end, always loving her. I see meeting Michelle, being unsure about her, growing to love her just as she is, if I must. I see Kelsi and her group, and I see no what's just bad for her if she'd admit it.
I see going in with middle school ties, and now you froget that you ever didn't go to school with these people.
Suddenly the oldest when I came in are Juniors else where, I'm now a senior here, and when this school year ends, my little brother is a freshmen here as well. I'm not looking foward to it.
But when he sit on this side of the gym, staring at where he sat in 2003, i'll be worrying again, that i'm halfway through and not doing it right.
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