9:14 pm - Sunday, Feb. 09, 2003
Song: Show Me Love - Tatu
We fight and we move on and we live. People argue. We argue. Fiercely.
I�m not used to having us both like that. I�m not used to feeling that our relationship really is about to collapse.
I never want him to again say �No you don�t� when I tell him I love him.
He called back right away. Tears. We all had our tears. We all say the words we�re angry enough to say in order to get at the other person.
Then I curl up and wish he could hold and kiss me. Wish that he would pull me up on his lap and rock me, because I need it.
He�s never once given up on me. I love him so entirely. Thank you to ilvlansten for reminding me of a few important things about love. but if you love someone so much...isn't it worth whatever gets put in front of you? Love is strong, work together and the two of you will be...invincible...from what I've been reading, you two are amazing together and I totally envy that. You're really lucky. It's rare for someone like Chris to come along.
I don�t know when I started crying during this note. I don�t know when I started crying during the dumb ABC Family special about proposals. I do know that as soon as I hear his voice tonight, those tears start again. And it�s good.
He�s the one person I want to spend forever with. He�s the only person I�ve ever been able to see myself with every moment of my life.
I look at married couples, unhappy ones especially, and cannot imagine not wanting to say I love you to him each and every day.
I watch Notorious C.H.O. today� and I cannot imagine a moment when I would ever look at him sleeping, and not want to kiss his eyelids and wrap my arms around him. These are such impossible concepts.
I listen to the cd he wasn�t sure I�d like, and want to copy it. I color in crayons he gave me, and draw mermaids. I use his tummy as a pillow because it�s unbelievable, and perfectly warm.
These all seem like insignificant little things, but he could sit there and tell me everything. He knows me almost as well as I do, and sometimes, everyday, I surprise him, and he learns something else.
And maybe that doesn�t make a ton of sense, but it�s amazing to me. I�ve never known someone so willing to learn me. Someone to run his hands all over me, and tells me he wants a life with me. Someone who makes me comfortable, always.
Nothing here is connected. I�m a gushing mess, but a lucky one. I feel like we�re both crazy, and wrong and yelling at one another, and sometimes when we fight I think If we don�t kill one another first, we�re going to be together forever And I fall more in love with him.