10:12 am - Saturday, Feb. 08, 2003
Song: Buddy Holly - Weezer
I haven�t been alone on Valentines Day since sixth grade. Dustin, Steven, Adam, Richard and now Christopher. Looking at that list make my stomach drop a bit. I feel wrong placing Chris as just another name. Another name on a list that I�ve been building, five years and five boys. I had to look back into my diaries to even remember the first ones name.
Now I�m facing Valentines Day again. With a boy who means everything in the world to me. If anyone doesn�t think I�m in love with him already, then there�s no convincing them. So why am I pushing so hard to postpone the day?
My dad asked me the other day what he should get my mom for Valentines Day. I told him I thought he should have flower delivered to her work, but on a day other than Valentines and besides that take her to see Chicago.
I feel so empty giving gifts on Valentines Day. Not that I don�t want to. I think it�s a fine day, and reminder to let people know how much they mean to us. I just don�t know what else to say. I let him know everyday that I love him. That he means everything to me. Somehow that�s not enough. And really, can�t be said with frilly hearts and chocolates.
He doesn�t like chocolate.
At least I�ll be going up there. I�m going to be with him on the 14th. I�m going to sleep next to him, and that�s a gift he can just keep giving me without my ever getting tired of it.
Before going though, I have to make it through a day of school. Since Middle School I�ve seen that as the worst day not to have a boyfriend, or wonderful friends, at your school. Everyone walks around bogged down by balloons, flowers, cards and chocolates and those without look stupid. When I was dating Adam I had nothing and didn�t feel as good as the other girls. It�s stupid, but their boyfriends loved them more in my eyes, just for that day, and maybe I wasn�t so off.
Since Chris lives so far away though, I doubt he�ll be showing up at my school with a balloon. And I was hoping I was mature enough not to be bothered by it, but it�s getting to me. I�m not going to let it any further though. I have a great guy, and this holiday is nothing all that special because we love one another everyday, not just one.
Plus, I have an anniversary coming up. The 24th of February. That should be more my concern by far.
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