5:13 pm - Tuesday, Nov. 12, 2002
Song:
Haven�t concentrated on my inner arm in quite some time and just today realized why. There�s no longer anything drawing my eye. My scars are faded away and I don�t have to want to fill them with salty tears everytime my attention is snapped to them, like a rubber band between my eyes and the formally pink cross carved there. Not sure if I�ll miss it or not.
Was looking for something real. I remember that much. Everyone was fake,. And everything seemed like a movie. Well-plotted lines and blocked movements. I was the only one who missed rehearsal.
What reminds me of reality now?
Waking up next to a boy and kissing him and burrowing into his arms. Needing something from escape too. Having something to escape from. Being sad and crying for no reason.
Weren�t these the reasons I wanted to bleed before?
He reminds me why I live this life everyday. And my friends make me laugh and smile and I don�t hate or dislike any of them.
I want to share an apartment with the boy and a friend. Sit and drink tea in the morning. Wake up in arms. Watch it rain from the window and feel perfectly warm, because his presence helps me never feel cold.
I want to stop needing the bottle of Advil daily. Showers and sleep are lonely now. Everything is missing and therefore quite real.
I know what�s got me sad for the most part, though I still can�t tell you why I wake up to cry at two in the morning. I�m glad the scars are fading. It makes things simpler.
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