9:06 pm - Wednesday, Oct. 30, 2002
Song:
�I might not be seeing him soon. Got a few things I�ve been meaning to do.� �Victoria, John Mayer
I�m freezing cold, and I feel the need to cry, but it�s not coming. I can�t motivate myself to care about schoolwork; because it brings me closer to those ever present tears and makes my head swim in most unpleasant ways.
I wish I could blame this on something like the flu, but I�m not going to lie to myself and pass this all off. I need a cure that�s not a shot of something or a pill. Actually, a shot of something might just work.
Thoughts come to my mind that I try to pass off quickly. I tell myself it�s dumb, and it passes. Say a knife can�t go in that far. The mind confuses its intentions. My body asks for long hot showers and sleep all the time. I don�t want much more.
I�m eating the Halloween candy to be handed out tomorrow, and my stomach lurches.
I�m happy with my plans tomorrow. Renting movies, hopefully horror, with Sylvia and hanging out, and I�m sure she�ll spend the night.
I�m gad to actually get a chance to spend time with her. I like to tease her, but last year she was hardly at school, and when she was around it was weird. This year it�s a whole lot of fun to be around her.
My bodies demands are taking over. I think I�ll immerse myself it hot water and try to drown in the steam and power of it. This week has been one of the longest of my life.
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