9:44 pm - Thursday, Sept. 26, 2002
Song:
I want someone who knows me. Completely knows me. Not just the way my mind works, or my facial expressions, or what I mean when I say or do different things. I want someone who knows everything. Because if one person knows everything, then no one else needs to know anything.
If that one person knows, then I don�t need to open everything up to other people because someone knows. Yet, I like opening up to people. Otherwise, I wouldn�t bother typing here, correct?
There�s no right or wrong here.
I�m watching the clock and counting minutes until the boy I wish knew me like that comes home to hold me with his word, and use them to let the extreme exhaustion I try to levitate off me, crash down and take me over for another night.
Yet each of those minutes is a time I�m putting off an important homework piece. Art is supposed to be done in class, no problem. Three quotes for English, I can do it. Now, the weeklong project for math, well all I can say is: oops.
I have to be a serious junior now because I made my decision today. Somehow the what about prom argument is working.
Actually. I went to my meeting today. She said I was in terrific shape, said my GPA looked good. I laughed because I�m 184th in my class. Granted that�s almost the top 50% and I screwed up by never going to class freshmen year, but it�s certainly not �looking good�. We talked about my various options. I explained everything to her.
Then she asked me what my current extracurriculars and field trips are, in order to know what would get in my way of doing this. I listed: Waterpolo, photo club, activism club, DIY club, powder puff football, Outdoor school counselor training, Ashland trip, Hospital field trip for Biology, and International Baccalaureate.
Not too impressive, but it sounds like I�m doing a lot.
I want to be photo staff next year. As well.
We talked for forty-five minutes, and finally I decided that I needed to finish high school the best way for me: full of spirit and as a rocking senior. Next year.
Told Kelsi I was staying and received the best hug I�ve gotten in weeks, because I felt like someone wanted me around.
Now I need to buckle down and care, because I am no longer being offered the chance to drop math. And that class was my drop of choice. I just don�t get it. I feel dumb in that class.
I wish someone just knew why I feel the way I do, but he should be home within thirty minutes.
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