11:42 pm - Friday, Sept. 20, 2002
Song:
Why do I love those I fear will be harmful to me? Why do I always go back to the pain?
I love him. With all my heart and all that good stuff, yet I cry so often and hurt so often and want him there so often� and he�s not there.
I don�t like how much she yells at me sometimes and I hate that. I wish she treated me like I had a valid opinion, rather than just that stupid girl. I suppose you win some and lose some, and there are something�s I�d rather just back off of. There�s no point sometimes in turning annoyances into ammunition.
I want someone to whisper to me, because I like that feel of breath on my cheek.
I remember a time when I couldn�t be alone for long whiles, and I needed human touch. And yet, summer came, and I come to treasure constant alone. I had to learn.
And I can hardly kiss in public. I can hardly do anything in public. Sweetness will wrap an arm around me and I shrug it off. Close and face-to-face is no good. I can�t have kisses on lips, cheeks, and forehead.
I wonder what in me is changing, because I never used to feel any of this, and I feel like I need Dashboard whines as I balance myself on legs I have hardly tried before.
I�m loving him more than ever and strumming it out on curvy keyboards.
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