5:44 am - Sunday, Jul. 21, 2002
Song:
I feel terrible. I don't want Chris to feel he can't go out and have fun with his friends (or family, or whover.) Well not whoever, I mean, yeah, whoever, but not sex with other people, I trust him completely though.
Gah! I don't even know what it is I'm saying. I want him to go out and have fun and not have to worry about me every moment.
I never ever want him to think that he's a bad boyfriend because his (insane) girlfriend can't entertain herself for a few hours.
And I swear I can... I got to dance in my front yard. I read. I talked to my mom. i talked to people other then Chris on the phone.
I just missed him. And I was really... down.
But that doesn't mean he has to be there every moment.
I miss him so badly, it's not translating well. I have no idea how to tell him how much I miss him. And since I'm an idiot, when I'm especially missing him it translates as annoyance.
I cannot stand being away from him all the time. He's the greatest part of my life. I suppose time will tell for all things... but I'm going to ruin it if he thinks he has to stay home and watch over me in case I need him. That's not something I want. If he never goes out, then he'll start driveing me crazy.