5:44 pm - Monday, Jul. 01, 2002
Song:
I wish Chris didn't have to work because I want to talk to him at all times.
I pay nearly a hundred dollars a month (cell phone and regular phone charges) so that I can have him there when I feel like talking.
I relize without jobs this relationship would be impossible (that's why I applied at the Build A Bear Workshop) but I want him home. I miss my Chris.
I actually don't even know if we're going out or not. And I'm divided on the issue.
I love him very much, and I love when I am with him. He's the greatest guy I have ever met. He supports me through everything. So I want to be with him.
On the other side of this, I don't want to be with him. We continue to have the same fight. He is just too far away. He can't actually be here for me. Am I just sitting here waiting for him to come? Shouldn't I be out doing a bit more? Shouldn't I just wait to do this until he is here? Should I wait around for him?
We'll never be apart unless he ends it. I could never do that. I'm not sure if it's because I want to be with him, or merely that I'm too weak. These are terrible thoughts to have. I need to be sure of myself.