8:09 pm - Friday, Jun. 07, 2002
Song:
Today in journalism we were given back the letter we wrote about ourselves at the begining of this year. And seriously... I read mine and just started cracking up. Not only is my writing style supremely crappy... but everything I say in here has changed. Well... the majority has. I was going to type out the whole thing here, but then I relized, this is 10 pages long, no I'm not doing that. What I will do is bold type what the original letter says and in italics type my current feelings. This should only be half the letter. It's amazing how much changes in a year...
I don't tell my friends alot of things
What with my online diary, my friends know... everything... And then there's Chris, I tell him absolutely every thought I have or action I take.
Adam is my best friend over anyone and my boyfriend of a year and four months
Chris is my absolute best friend in the world. He is also my sweet loving boyfriend of 3 (almost 4) months. I love him with all my heart, but I fear one day we will no longer be together and in turn I will lose the greatest friends I have ever had.
There's just something about relationships, I always try to pull out of them
Wait... that's still true...
Depression is pathetic; it's for the weak. I don't care how many little websites tell you it isn't, it really is
Depression can't be helped, and I know a lot of people who struggle with it. I like to think it's been a long time since I was last hit with it, and really I don't remember. Trying to dig up memories of depression isn't going to do me any good. The point is, right now I am happier then I have ever been before.
I've never told my parents [about my depression]
My mom knows, I'm sure. But she also knows that I won't see a therapist. I think she watches closely though. And she's a mother, and mothers just know.
I truly hate my father with everything in my body sometimes
Like any teen, I get pissed at my dad sometimes. But all in all, we get along way better then we did before. He's a great guy, he's just an ass sometimes. I know tons of people like that.
I count how many damn days I have left until I turn 18 and can move out
I feel frustrated and trapped here sometimes, but these people provide SO much for me. I am very lucky. I am eager to move out, but only because I really just want free reign to travel where I please. I don't want away from them, I just want to see thew world
I know that I would like to go to Brown University
I'd like to go to Brown University. Or University of Colorado, Or university of Maryland, or Lewis and Clark College, or St. Lawarence. I want to study law or art or writing/photography. I don't know what I want to be, and that's fine with me.
I want a big house, a warm inviting place, in Vermont
There's no way I want to even think about settleing down right now. There is so much out there to see, and do. I've got the dreams Of George Baily (It's A Wonderful Life) but I plan to follow through on them.
I'm also excited about the prospect of having a family someday
Maybe, maybe not on the family thing. I don't know yet, which is fine, because I don't have to.
There we are, the corrections to my paper based on my thoughts and feelings now.
I actually enjoy who I am now. Somehow the person I was at the begaining of the school year doesn't seem very realalistic. I'd like to think I'm getting a little smarter, a little more mature. And trust me, I know I have a long way to go. It's nice to see that I am getting there though, slowly but surely. And hey.... I am only sixteen.
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