1:19 pm - Monday, Apr. 29, 2002
Song:
Sitting here my head is spinning, but laying in bed when it's so sunny out doesn't feel like an option.
My face has taken on that hallow, dieing look. My throut is burning, my head pounds and spins and my lungs hurt when I breath. It feels like so much more then the common cold.
I'm hungry though, which I useually am not when I get sick. The last time I remember being this sick was when Janelle and I decided that we should be Hula dancers for Halloween and we wandered around on a super cold night wearing grass skirts and tank tops. Not the best idea...
I almost feel like I should watch tv, it's mindless enough that it should keep me from hurting anymore... but it's useually sooooo painfully boring...
i've been thinking about something... it is an amazing thing that I broke up with Adam and it's actually stuck...
Adam tells me all the time that the only reason I don't date him again is because I think it would be admitting some kinda of defeat, and he's very right.
I break up with a person, then I feel bad, then I apoligize. They don't have to say a word, I'll go through all this on my own.
I always say I cheated on Adam because it was the only way I knew out, and really, it's true. I had to block myself from going through the process.
I love Chris, but I don't think I should be in a relationship. I need to get my shit together before I can go fucking with other peoples lives. I just jump from boyfriend to boyfriend and I tell myself, after this I'll take a break. But thats never the case. I need to take a break. But I don't want to end my relationship.