4:24 pm - Friday, Nov. 14, 2003
Song:
My reply to last year me:
Dear Megan of November 12, 2002,
I�m alive, obviously, or I wouldn�t be here. I�m still in high school. I feel stupid a lot because in part I am, and in part I feel it was simply a dumb move not to graduate early. But here I am building applications. In part it�s fun, I�m part of the prom and graduation planning. I�m in Girls� League, Bowling Club, and am an ODS counselor still, as well as mentoring and tutoring. I�m involved.
Andrew is at Cleveland now. And I think he takes a sick pleasure in getting people to insult me and then reporting it to me. I try not to let it get to me, and yet every once and a while, it happens� It�s only a few more months.
Chris is still around. And you�re I�m much more in love with then you were. And tomorrow me will be more in love with him than today me is. It works nicely that way. When it starts to decline, then we�ll have a problem.
Same best friends as before, though you�re closer to Michelle, Jula and Sylvia now, and further from Kelsi. There�s no fault there, just a lot of confusion. I feel fake when I talk to her now, like I�m not my real self, no matter what I�m saying. Rahnia moved across the country to live with her mom and go to literary school and be distant as hell. It hurts badly that the people who know me the best are both many, many miles from me.
I still keep my DiaryLand diary� sort of. I�ve gotten more into it the last few days, but that means nothing, because I may fall out of favor again. It just works that way sometimes.
My mom still doesn�t know any of that, but I still am very close to her. Some things are private and no one is privy to that information. That�s a major thing I�ve been learning. Before I thought I was sharing because I wasn�t ashamed of what I�d done, but now I realize it�s better kept to myself and Chris, and a few select people I feel I can share anything with. Even my new really good friend Dobby, I don�t want to bring that element in just yet because I think it�s too big to push into friend boundaries too soon. That�s a huge lesson learned.
I am not interested in either of those schools now. I�m now all about USF, Coe College and University of Washington, among a few other schools. I spent two weeks this summer at Fir Acres National Workshop In Writing and Thinking, and I love writing more than I did before, but I�ve found that I really am interested in Anthropology or environmental studies.
Music is still my driving force. Lyrics at least. Right now I�m �Recycled Air� by The Postal Service. Chris and I did dance together� It�s the slow version of �Heaven� by DJ Sammy.
Have I changed so little I wonder. Yet I know that can�t be so. I just don�t know how to describe to my past what they�ve turned into. I hope you�re a better person, but it�s not up to either of us to decide.