12:05 pm - Tuesday, Sept. 03, 2002
Song:
I don't want to be scared in my own neighborhood. And I don't want to automatically assume that every man walking behind me on the street is following me.
No more than I want to think I'm about to die.
My mind urges me to fear for my life when I leave the house, because you never know who is going to do what. People can�t be trusted.
It used to be �Don�t get into any trouble� when I left the house, now I walk out to my parents calling, �Don�t talk to strangers� and I feel like I�m seven all over again and I have to come in when the street lights turn on.
I�m at an age that I thought of with nothing but amazement when I was a child. When I�m sixteen I�m going to do this, and I�m going to drive, and I�m going to stay up all night.
I never thought: When I�m sixteen I�m going to scared of the guy in the car, or to walk around my neighborhood at night.
Walking to the mailbox at ten in the evening, I was on the cell phone to my boyfriend: �Please let me be safe. Please tell me it�s okay�.
And he said all I requested, but he can�t make it true.
I read �The Lovely Bones� and watch the news, and receive the little Have you seen this person? postcards with faces and the last date seen and coupons on the opposite side. Then I wonder how so much fear got bred into me. I blame my parents for making me paranoid.
It�s hard to face the truth that the world is what�s making you paranoid.
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