9:20 pm - Monday, Dec. 06, 2004
Song: Joseph Arthur - Honey And The Moon
“I think that you came too soon
You're the honey and the moon that lights up my night - Joseph Arthur, Honey And The Moon
The thing about it is, if you had come later, maybe things would be easier, less hurtful, less bad things would have needed to happen. Our love would not be based in pain, our happiness in sorrow, our world on crumbling civilizations. My world is sinking into the sea after it. You’re so loved by me, but loving you takes too much from me. I’m left with only you loving me. You—Kevin—and perhaps Kaeli. My own brother wants to replace me, I’ve hurt everyone else, I leave everyone else in ruins.
You say you’re sorry for ruining my life. I don’t blame you. You simply came too soon. You preempted something. But what am I saying, I have no idea how else things may have turned out. I wanted you bad, I was swept up into you fast and I’ve been crashing in every other place since.
Yet it’s still worth it to me. The love we share is deep and amazing. It has me smiling all the time. So I’m real sorry that I’m ripping into you constantly, that I blame you for everything, and that I so often teeter on throwing what I threw everything else away for because my guilt is too great. You keep holding on and helping me anyway. What we have, what I have, I do not deserve,
“Ever since I've been with you
You hold me up
All the time I'm falling down” - Honey and the Moon
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